When is your Birthday? "October 29th"
year? "Every year!"
Ever wonder why I always disappear for my birthday?
Well, there are many facets to my birthday traditions and theories.
Let me try to put some ideas into words to help...
Of course, the favorite part of my traditions is that for my birthday
give gifts to others and don't like receiving them. The heart of being
glad to be alive is to be able to share that life with special
people around me.
I can express no more joy than to acknowledge the blessings shared
the days of that life.
The most basic theory behind my unusual tradition can be seen as
a vital concept
not only for understanding the birthday day, but how to live all the other
the year. Again, these are simply my own ideas and
convictions, shared with the least of expectations that they be respected
I see our birthday as a beginning, a first day of another year
instead of a completion
of a counted period of time. It is most emphatically not a day on the calendar
should trigger a showing of affection or conveyance of a material gift just by the
appearance of a recurring date.
We come across the same debate every year on
New Year's as we decide whether we are one of those that are celebrating surviving/
a year or one of those that celebrate the beginning of another year. The
debate has never been as heated as it was
at the infamous millennium.
So, with this birthday being another new beginning, I try to use
it to bring new
experiences and people into my life. The 24 hours of my birthday, I put myself in a
where I do not see or talk to anyone I already know.
Special point here: I always make sure to share
time with my mother at some point
to let her know that she shares the most special part of that special day with me
a bond no one else can.
The theory and tradition is that I am challenged to do things I have not done before;
places I may not have been before or for awhile; and place myself in
opportunities to meet people I have never met before.
I have a chance to bring
desires to reality and to bring more blessings into my life and others.
If I have lived right, I have spent the other 364 days of the year
with those around me, letting those special people know how important they are to my
with unexpected gestures and unconditional giving of myself, and as a certain
"Mad Hatter" elaborated upon, taking in all
the entertainment and joy from all the
wonderful "un-birthdays" I can.
To all those special people in my life: I thank you for sharing
it with me
and hope you know that I am glad you are there.
To all those potential paths I'll cross: I continue with eyes wide open to
all the chances to make a difference
and share a moment or more.
Make a wish....................
? Why do we drive on parkways, and park on driveways?
are they called “apartments” when they’re all stuck together?
is it called a “building” when it is already built?
are they called “stands” when they’re made for sitting?
is another word for “thesaurus”?
? Why is the word “abbreviate”
isn’t “palindrome” spelled the same way backwards?
isn’t “phonetic” spelled the way it sounds?
there be a shorter word for “monosyllabic”?
do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
does slow-down and slow-up mean the same thing?
is it that when you transport something by car it’s called a “shipment”, but when
you transport something by ship it’s called “cargo”?
does an alarm clock “go off” when it begins to ring?
? Why is
it your nose runs, and your feet smell?
is brassiere singular, and panties plural?
does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
? Why is there
an expiration date on SOUR cream?
? You know
that little indestructible black box on airplanes...why can’t they make the
whole plane out of
the same material?
? Why are there flotation
devices under airplane seats instead of parachutes?
7-Eleven is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
you shouldn’t drink & drive, why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor, and
why do bars have parking lots?
? Why do they
put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
do light switches have “ON/OFF” printed on them? When the light is on you
can see it’s
on, and when it’s off you can’t see to read?
75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why don’t more people just
move 6 miles
? Do you need a silencer to shoot a mime?
? Does a fish get cramps after eating?
? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
? If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
? When they ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
know those signs on bank doors, etc., that say “No Dogs Allowed - Except
is this for???
? Why is it that when you’re driving
and looking for an address, you turn down the
volume on the radio?
! It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
! Psychiatrists say that 1 out of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends...
If they’re OK, you’re it.
! The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
difficult it was.
! It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
! Remember: You can’t
fall off the floor.
! Remember: Always pillage before you
! Remember: If you’re given an open-book exam...you
will forget your book.
! Vital papers will demonstrate
their vitality by moving from where you left them to
where you can’t find them.
! Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan, it will not be evenly
! If you keep trying to prove Murphy’s Law, will something keep going wrong?
...makes you think...
- Everyone has a photographic
some just don't have film!
conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
- He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
just isn't what it used to be.
- When your
pet bird sees you reading the newspaper,
does he wonder why you're just sitting there staring at
- What year did Jesus think it was?
- One good turn...Gets all the blankets!
- Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which
one can die.
- No, I don't have a solution...
but I'm impressed by the problem.
- If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic!
- Some drink at the fountain of knowledge...
others just gargle.
- I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
- I'd be willing to make mistakes,
if someone else was willing to learn from them.
- If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished.
- A flying saucer is the result when a nudist spills his coffee.
- I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute
- One who smiles when things go wrong
knows who to blame.
- Light travels faster than
sound. This is why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
- There must be a God...who else pops up the next tissue
in the Kleenex box?
- Sex on television can't hurt you...unless you fall off!
- I put a dollar into one of those change machines.
- Of all the things I've loved and lost, I miss my m ind the most.
- A bird in the hand...makes it hard to blow your nose.
- When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
- How do "Do Not Walk On Grass" signs get there?
- The severity of an itch is proportional to the reach.
- "We've upped our quality, so up yours!"
- Fortune Cookie:
No matter how cold it get during day, at night it always get dark.
- "It's been lovely talking to you, but I must scream now..."
- We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
- A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
- Oh Lord, give me patience... NOW!
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
- If at first you don't succeed, don't worry...
failure may just be your style.
- I wrote to the IRS and asked them to please
remove me from
their mailing list.
- If you make it "idiot proof",
will just make a better idiot!
- On the first day, God created man...
One the second day, he said "I can do better!"
- The secret
to success is sincerity...
once you can fake that, you've got it made!
- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
- It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper,
that's the time to do it.
- Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
- No one is listening until you make a mistake.
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
- If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
- Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That
way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is just not for you.
- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he
will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
- If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth
- Don't squat with your spurs on.
- If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
- Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
- Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
- The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in
- Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
- A closed mouth gathers no foot.
- Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it
holds the universe together.
- Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.
- If you had to identify, in one word, the reson why the human race has not achieved,
and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
- There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
- People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to
share yours with them.
- and when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides
to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
- You should not confuse your career with your life.
- No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
- Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
- Never lick a steak knife.
- Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
- The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
- you will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why
we observe daylight savings time.
- You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think
she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
- A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
- Your friends love you anyway.
- There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works!
No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand
and touches your heart.
The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them
knowing you can't have them.
Never frown, even when you are sad,
because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
To the world you may be one person,
but to one person you may be the world.
Don't waste your time on a man/woman who isn't willing
to waste their time on you.
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one,
so that when we finally meet the person,
we will know how to be grateful.
Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
There's always going to be people that hurt you, so what you have to do is
keep on trusting and just be more careful
about who you trust next time.
Make yourself a better person and know who you are
before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
Remember: Whatever happens,happens for a reason.
Touching Story Of "The Trouble Tree"
click here for story
- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train
On my desk, I have a work station.
- Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
- What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
- I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer
- I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more
as they get older, then it dawned of me...they were cramming for their finals.
- I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and
so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?
- Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
we supposed to do...write to them?
Why don't they just put their
pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen
could look for them while they delivered the mail?
- How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
- If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
OTHERS here for?
- Clones are people two.
- Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
- Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
- Think "honk" if you're telepathic.
- If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered
a hostage situation?
- If a cow laughed, would milk come out here nose?
- So, what's the speed of dark?
- After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of
- Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
- If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
- I just got skylights put in my place. The people above me are furious.
- Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
- Is it true cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
- Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
- How come abbreviated is such a long word?
- If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold
tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?